I never read the Flowers in the Attic books because I'm not a girl, but weren't they mainly about incest, or at least a little bit about incest? I'm relatively certain of that. So where the hell is it? Oh, they mention some uncle-niece a couple of times, but where's all the hot brother-on-sister action I was expecting? Just my luck to get stuck with the Coyote Ugly of incest movies. It's not like I'm watching this for the story, which is pretty retarded. I'll buy that the money-grubbing mom and rocket-propelled, Bible-humping superbitch grandmother could manage to keep their four kids prisoner for a little while, but after a few months of this shit I really have to wonder why the oldest son doesn't just step up already. I don't want to sound like a fag or anything, but he appears to be a strapping young lad. He can't just grab granny when she brings them their dinner and kick the shit out of her? Or brain her with that hammer they've got laying around? It's not like she's packing heat or anything.* Take my advice, kid, don't let her bluff you. You'll have plenty of time to be intimidated by a woman solely because she's a raging cunt after you're married. He sits on his dick way too long though, and by the time he finally makes his move one of the other kids is already dead. (Fortunately the one who croaks was the Jeffy to their Billy, Dolly, and P.J., so it's a safe assumption that he won't be missed.) You'd think the end, at least - where the remaining kids crash the mom's fairybook wedding and foil her evil plan - would be all triumphant or at least slightly interesting, but nope, it's just as lame and boring as the rest of this turd. Oh well, at least someone falls over a parapet. It's just not a gothic family drama unless someone falls over a parapet.