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Fortress

(1992)

This is a movie full of ideas. Too bad they're all dumb ones. It's the future, and having more than one baby is illegal. (Christ, I can hear every woman on Earth going on an endless crying jag already.) If you do try for number two they send you to future prison, which is where our main guy and his wife end up. Future prison is pretty rough: they implant some gizmo in your stomach that explodes if you try to escape, and they've even got Red Foreman monitoring your dreams and zapping you if you have pleasant ones. (It would've been awesome if he dropped some classic Red Foreman line during this part, like "Here's something to dream about: my foot in your ass." But he doesn't.) After some standard prison movie dinking around it's time for the big jailbreak, which of course is only possible due to a bunch of unlikely circumstances, including the fact that Red, who's supposed to be some sort of amped-up superhuman with robot parts, is such a fucking lightweight that he literally passes out after two sips of champagne. Remember the TV show Prison Break, where that guy busted his for-a-crime-he-didn't-commit brother out of the joint by getting himself arrested and sent to the exact same prison after having the blueprints to the place tattooed on his body? You know, instead of just filing an appeal and hiring a better lawyer? Well... Okay, fine, this movie is nowhere near as insultingly stupid and fucking retarded as that. It's still kinda stupid and retarded though.

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