The first half hour of this is full of nasty, sub-mediocre chicks, and believe me, half an hour is a long fucking time to look at second-rate, used-up pussy. (That's why I usually try to get in and out in five minutes, tops.) A few times it seems like a story is gonna start (like when these two dudes in suits are driving along talking about some mission they're supposed to be on), but it never does so I don't know why they even put those parts in the movie. Later a passable nurse bangs a crazy guy, a pretty cute schoolgirl and her hideous friend get some action, one genuinely hot chick fucks a rock star-looking vampire, and finally the suits turn up again to double-team another skank who's got the kind of face you throw change at. Every once in a while a couple of these people will actually talk about stuff, and the vampire casts a spell or something on the chick he screws, but there's no way to know what any of it means because most of the time the sound is from another movie! Seriously- people will be fucking each other's brains out, but instead of moaning or whatever you'll hear two totally different clowns talking about a magic formula or some other completely random shit! It's unbelievable. I mean, I know this is just a porno, but even pornography should have some quality control. When you're such a goddamned hack that you can't even make porn right I think it's time to hang up your dick and find a new line of work. This is usually the place where I'd make a joke about you manning the drive-thru window, but in this case I'm gonna nix that suggestion. I don't want any of you AIDS mules touching my food. You've probably got the anus rot.