
Video Picks for Perverts
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(1985)
"Me and the camel jockey got a lot in common- he loves the desert same as I do!" What what what? Did I hear that right? Did this cartoon just bust out a straight-up racial slur, all casual-like, for absolutely no reason? Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha! And it was uttered by one of the good guys! Un-fucking-believable. So, G.I. Joe is in the Middle East, disrespecting the locals and probably drawing pictures of Mohammed on the backs of envelopes and handing them out to everyone they see. Of course they claim they're there looking for terrorists (yeah, I know, that's what Americans always say), but that ends up on the back burner when these space aliens show up and start invading the Earth! Of course it all turns out to be a ridiculous, unnecessarily complicated Cobra plot, and of course Snake Eyes - the G.I. Joe equivalent of Boba Fett or Wolverine - is the one who ultimately saves the day. Seriously, isn't anyone else tired of these overexposed characters by now? If it wasn't for Wolverine and fucking Boba Fett maybe there'd be a Marvel comic starring Shamrock by now, or a series of Star Wars novels featuring the adventures of Dengar. That aside, this cartoon is just as stupid as I remembered it, but at least this episode wasn't as bad as the one with the Viper. Remember that one? He keeps calling G.I. Joe HQ and they're all freaked out, but then it turns out he's just an old man who's been hired to "vipe their vindows". So clever! Seriously, the person who came up with that should have his dick kicked off. Read Mr. Satanism's book, The 100 Best Movies Ever Made ...Mostly Suck, now available here and on Amazon.
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YOU don't have to PUT UP with the HIP.