Why are there so many movies about dogs? People hate dogs. You know what they need to make more movies about? Wolverines. And I'm not talking about that tiresome midget from the X-Men, either, I mean actual wolverines, on the rampage, killing everything in sight and maybe raping a few of you snooty white women. I would pay good cash money to see that movie, especially if it was free on cable.

I'm stuck with this movie though, just like I'm stuck with my current girlfriend even though I'd rather be fucking Kathryn Hahn. Sorry, baby, but it's true. In this movie (weak), some kid buys a dog from the pound that turns out to be the Cat from Outer Space. What's more, it seems that all dogs are from outer space, and this one is here to check up on the others because apparently Earth dogs are the Fail Dogs of the universe. Oh, and the main kid is hep to all this because he accidentally gets zapped by some of the main dog's technology and now he can understand what dogs are saying. It's similar to that episode of Eerie, Indiana where the one kid kept picking up dogs' thoughts on his retainer, except that Eerie, Indiana was funny and brilliant whereas this movie strives to be as stupid and lazy as possible. The poodle acts and sounds like a shallow chick, there's beyond obvious jokes about fire hydrants and drinking out of the toilet, and of course there's plenty of farting. Of. Fucking. Course. For real, every bit in this movie is either farting, or the first few things a kindergarten class would shout out when you said "dogs from outer space", before you told them to actually try. It's total fucking garbage by assholes who don't deserve their jobs. And is a scene where everybody huffs nitrous really appropriate for a kids' movie? You should really hold off on that kind of thing until you're at least thirteen. The only, and I mean ONLY, good thing about this pile of disaster is that Molly Shannon is in it, and for reasons I don't pretend to understand but fully accept, I totally want some of that action. She can {pick one: hump my leg; let me sniff her butt; pee on my hydrant} any time.

Note: According to the credits, this flick is based on a story called "Dogs from Outer Space". Apparently, this was not deemed to be an appropriate title for a movie about dogs from outer space. Hollywood is so fucking retarded.