I'm not just peddling Dixie when I say that the Good Witch is one of the finest chicks I've ever seen in my entire life, but that only goes so far. Especially since her movies run on the Hallmark Channel, and their programming hardly ever includes any hardcore lesbo action. That means this flick has to coast on its plot, and that's a dangerous thing when your story involves hack touchstones like finding the perfect gift, planning a wedding at the last minute, and an ex-con who learns the true value of something or other. A bunch of other crisises pop up too, but like a super-hot Mary Worth who worships the Devil, the Good Witch manages to solve everyone's problems in time for the big finale. There's way too much going on (none of it very interesting), and some parts make no sense whatsoever ("Martha stopped a robbery with her hips?" asks one guy, implying, I guess, that normally the broad in question initiates robberies. With her hips.), but the important thing is that everyone opens their heart and has a merry, merry Christmas, filled with love, laughter, second chances, and the joy of the holiday season.

Excuse me, I think I've got something in my eye. Probably a little splashback from when I puked just now.