Crystal Bernard has been threatening to hag out for years now, but somehow her innate hotness always triumphs. If she can keep it up for another decade or so she'll be the hottest old lady on the planet. In fact, if you can pull it off until 2021 Crys, I will personally take you out for your 60th birthday and show you the time of your decrepit life. Plan on wearing your sexiest adult diaper, and not wearing it for long.

Okay, so in this flick Crystal Bernard's superfine friend gets whacked by the Mad Gasser of Mattoon, so Crystal steals the book she was writing and takes all the credit for it. Her ruse works at first, but things get sticky when they show Crystal in this little bathrobe when somebody starts killing all the hacks on Crystal's weird co-op book tour. I don't know what the hell they're trying to achieve with this tour (in at least one part, one of the writers is signing the wrong book), but it does give the movie a chance to set up all these "red herrings", every single one of which makes more sense then the ending they actually went with. Seriously, a third person really wrote the book??? Give me a fucking break. (Oh, and spoiler warning.) There's lots of other stupid shit too (like when the killer forces Crystal to write a note "confessing" to a murder that everybody already knows she couldn't have done) but between the violence, Crystal Bernard's legs, and the hottie who gets the big rejection letter of death at the beginning I'll let it squeak by with a C-.