For a while it seemed like every Halloween movie was twice as insane and retarded as the last, but they reined it in considerably for Part 7 and to be perfectly honest I'm not sure if I approve of that or not. Well, for better or worse this one crash lands right back in the middle of Retard City. I mean, do they really expect us to believe that the former main chick, who's currently in the nuthouse, could manage to rig up a Michael Myers trap on the goddamned roof without anyone noticing? Or that he would stand in just the right spot for it to actually work? Or that, after all this good fortune, the dumb bitch would walk right up to his helpless ass so that he has a chance to grab her, murder her, and escape? Seriously, we're talking ten pounds of stupid in a five-pound bag here, and we're only fifteen minutes in.

Amazingly, it gets even worse. Whereas all the other Michael Myers movies just sort of blur together, this one does have a gimmick: it's the "reality show one". See, the main story goes down at Michael Myers' former crib, where some carefully-selected dipshits are wandering around with cameras while Busta Rhymes broadcasts it live over the Internet.* This means that a lot of the movie plays out Blair Witch style, which as everyone except Hollywood had learned by 2002 is beyond fucking annoying. Of course if the Blair Witch kids had been streaming their footage live over the Internet someone probably would have found them, but I guess we're supposed to assume that millions of viewers all went to the bathroom at the exact same time and missed it when the first kid in this flick got wasted on camera. Seriously, Halloween: Resurrection, suck my huge. If I wanted to be insulted, I'd call your mother and say I was you.

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