Every once in a while some delusional hack will make a horror movie about Bigfoot, and these movies almost always suck because Bigfoot just isn't scary. Think about it, if you saw Bigfoot rolling down the street right now you might be a little surprised, but would you piss yourself in terror? Of course not, because Bigfoot looks like a monkey, and all our lives we've been taught that monkeys are lovable clowns who exist to entertain us. It's really not that hard to imagine someone training Bigfoot to smoke cigars or ride a little bicycle or dump a beer all over Deputy Perkins. The people who made this flick were smart enough to know that much at least, so they dusted of the old E.T./Johnny 5/ALF template, used the 1987 version of find/replace* to substitute "Bigfoot", and came up with a "cute" Bigfoot movie that sucks in completely different and original ways. Seriously, a family hits Bigfoot with their car and then takes it home with them? I mean, if they were gonna freeze it because they didn't want to waste the meat that would be one thing, but this Bigfoot is still alive and the big gag is that it crashes at their pad for a while and becomes their friend. It's so fucking stupid that it buggers the imagination. And how fucking obvious and lazy is it that they have to hide Bigfoot from this annoying neighbor who keeps showing up? Or that there's a bad guy on their trail who wants to shoot Bigfoot? In fact, the worst thing about this movie is how many times Bigfoot has a gun pointed at him but never actually gets popped. Christ, I wanted someone to blow that wretched bastard's head off so fucking bad. Every time it nearly happened was like a chick sucking you allllllmost to climax and then punching you in the balls instead. And don't even get me started on the really stupid shit, like the part where Bigfoot howls like a police siren so the good guys can get through traffic. Christ, Hollywood, why don't you just drop by my house and tell me that you think I'm an asshole to my face? Fuck you.

I did like the teenage daughter though. I've definitely got something big and legendary for her, if she wants to see it.