It's hard to make a good Headless Horseman movie because even though the idea of a guy with no head who wants to cut off yours is kind of cool, his story almost always takes place in the olden days and really, who cares what happened to anyone in the olden days? Yeah, yeah, smarty-pants brainiacs are always telling us that we need to learn history so we don't repeat the mistakes of the past or whatever, like that's ever really going to happen. The past is over, brainiacs. No matter how hard you want it, it's never gonna be the Neolithic Era or Civil War days or even 2:43 PM on August 10th, 1972 again. Just admit you're talking out your asses and give it a rest already.

Anyway, this movie gets it right by moving the story up to regular times, and by throwing in a few hot chicks, including a blonde with a top-notch ass and a breathtakingly boneable brunette who (just barely) shows us some nipple, both of whom swallow the big load of death when Double H gives them his own, special kind of head. Oh, and handling main chick duties: Penny, from Nerds The Big Bang Theory! Other actors with nothing better to do include Rosewood from Beverly Hills Cop as a dick dad, one of the Backstreet Boys as an annoying, obnoxious douche (it's the role he was born to play!) and Mike Hammer himself (looking even more like a sorry-ass, boozed-up hobo than he did in The Girl Hunters) as the Crazy Old Coot Who Warns Everybody™. Incidentally, this particular crazy old coot is the only tenth-generation Dutch-American I've ever heard of who a) still has an accent and b) it's Scottish. Frankly this flick could've used a little more terror and gore, and a lot more of that brunette's tits, but it meets my minimum horror movie requirements so out of respect for Penny and the man Mike Hammer used to be I'll give it three C+'s. Which is a terrific dodge because even I don't know what that's supposed to mean.