This samurai comes home from a hard day of doing what samurais do (stabbing, sucking up to lords, starring in boring movies) only to find his special ladyfriend making time with some other ponytailed SOB. Obviously this won't stand, so he dismembers the fucker, whacks her, and skewers himself for good measure. You piss off a samurai, nobody gets out alive. Not even him.

So the years go by, and eventually a new family moves into the samurai's former pad, which, not surprisingly, is haunted as shit. The ghosts have settled their differences though, and now their big team-building exercise is getting the parents to re-enact the murders by possessing the weird-looking (but oddly fuckable) wife and sending her out on whoring expeditions. It's not a bad long-term plan, but their day-to-day could definitely use some work: no one's gonna call in the Ghostbusters over the kitchen faucet turning on by itself or a goofy face in the soup:

There's also a crab attack, some kung fu, and this hilarious line, where the main chick is explaining how their kid managed to fall out of a tree at two o'clock in the morning:

Main Chick: "You know what children are."

Emotional and financial black holes that permanently derail your previously fulfilling lives? Oh, she probably means "You know how children are." You really should've fixed that in post, idiots. All said though, this movie is surprisingly entertaining- it's bookended with decapitations, the crabs are way freakier than they have any right to be, it's never boring, and there are some tits. I give it three stars, one thumb up, and one awful face in the soup.