Sweet mother of fuck, I have watched so many awful Christmas abortions this season it's fucking unreal, and I don't mean the kind your sister got last year. So today I'm gonna settle down with a good Xmas special: The Grinch. Yeah, I know the Grinch sells out in the end, but there's so much cool shit in this cartoon up to that point: the animal abuse, the stealing, the being narrated by none other than goddamned Frankenstein's Monster himself... It's fucking awesome, and...

What the piss is this? Where's that video box? "Narrated by Walter Matthau"? The Bad News Bears' coach? What the fuck? This isn't the Grinch! It's barely a cartoon at all- they blink once in a while, but that's about it. There are seriously no quantifiers in the English language to explain how lame this is, and if it wasn't for Jim Carrey it would be the worst version of the Grinch of all time. What a rip-off. What an ass-reaming. What a complete and utter hose job. This should be called "How Random House Home Video Stole My Eight Bucks". Cocksucking shit parasites. Fuck these pricks.

Note: Also includes If I Ran the Zoo. Fuck that one, too.