I'll Be Home for Christmas

(1998)

Remember when the kid from Home Improvement became like a "teen heartthrob" for a while? Dark days, right? Well in this flick his dad offers to give him a 1957 Porsche if he comes home for Christmas, which ensures that the three people watching this who don't already hate his fucking guts will now. Due to a wacky felony though he ends up having to hitchhike there while dressed as Santa Claus and escapades ensue. Needless to say this movie sucks the shit right out of a reindeer's ass; I did like the parts where the Home Improvement kid got hurt, but other than that there's not one entertaining thing about it. Well, okay, it is pretty hot when his girlfriend sings "Doctor Jones". Too bad she grew up to be Jessica Biel.

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