All these oil rig jokers are hatin' it when a monster that looks like the version of the Alien that explodes out of your stomach gets on board. At first it just bites people and makes them go crazy, but later one of the crazy guys rapes this hot chick and eventually one of the monsters comes out of her fully grown and starts killing everybody. Sounds like a kickass movie, right? Unfortunately, this flick screws you coming and going, and then coming again. First of all, it's full of shit that doesn't make any sense, like how the chicks on this rig - who range from doable to genuinely hot - can't seem to get any action. I especially felt bad for the blonde who was trying to make a play for the guy in charge; I guess she didn't hear him when he said he was the "stool-pusher". Then there's the scientist who thinks the monster wiped out the apes 14 million years ago. Great theory jackass, except that there are still apes. The worst thing about this though is how pussified it is. For instance, we never actually see the part where the girl gets the monster raped into her, which sucks because that sounds fucking disgusting. And when I said that it "comes out of her" I don't mean that it bursts out of her stomach or eats its way out of her pussy or anything awesome like that; it just sort of floats out of her like a ghost, and this movie is so lame that they still don't show it- we just see their shadows on the wall! The biggest rip-off is the monster itself: it looks pretty cool, but it's only onscreen for the last five minutes of the movie! It's like an old TV show where the special guest star is too important to hang around for all of Arnold and Willis's antics or whatever, so they just pop in for a couple of minutes at the very end to do their thing and pick up a quick paycheck. I wouldn't have thought that the monster from The Intruder Within had that kind of star power, but here you go.