This is an endlessly stupid movie, full of ridiculous circumstances and phony feel-good bullshit. Plus it pisses all over us with an obnoxious, totally dishonest twist ending. The story starts when this joker finds out that he has like six months to live, so he agrees to jump into a volcano in one month in exchange for a shitload of credit and a huge send-off involving all the booze and ass he can handle. Sounds like a pretty sweet deal, except for one thing- he's pretty much screwing himself out of a considerable chunk of the time he has left. Here's what I would do if I were this cat: cash advances. That's right, I would max out the fucking cash advances on all the credit cards the dude brokering the volcano deal gives him at the beginning, then I would hop on the first plane out of the country and that sap would never see me again. Oh sure, he'd probably sue, but so what? I've had speeding tickets that didn't get resolved in six months. Go ahead and try, buddy. By the time he got a judgment I'd be nothing but a memory, and you can't get blood from a corpse.

Well, the main guy in this flick isn't as smart as me, but he does take some advantage of the situation. He rents a limo, shacks up at a fancy hotel, and buys himself a negro. He even picks up some underwear- nine pairs! The sky's the limit, I guess. On the other hand, he turns down pussy in one part, which is the last thing someone in his position should be doing. Think about it- you wouldn't even need to wear a condom! Man, having six months to live would be so awesome. Anyway, after various misadventures he finally jumps into the volcano, but then there's not one but two unbelievably huge cop-outs and he manages to live happily ever after, even though he just jumped into a live volcano and the whole fucking movie is supposed to be about him dealing with the fact that he's gonna die. I guess the moral is: "Live your life like you're gonna die tomorrow, but if you do don't worry about it because you'll just pop back to life two seconds later." What a load of fucking crap. Fuck this cunt movie.

Note: Apparently there are a lot of idiots out there who really like this flick, so if you're one of them listen very carefully: I do NOT want to hear about it. Video Picks for Perverts isn't for pussies. If you want to read shit like "This movie was a life-affirming delight!" you've come to the wrong place, faggot.