The seventh planet, of course, is Uranus, but they knew better than to call this movie "Journey to Uranus". That would've made my job way too easy.

So, it's the future, and the U.N. is sending a carefully-selected cosmopolitan team consisting entirely of white guys to Uranus to poke around. Heh. They're going to poke around Uranus. All right, I need to start calling it "the seventh planet" too, or I'm never gonna get through this review. Before our boys even touch down on the seventh planet though this totally whack alien makes contact and starts fronting and being a total dick. They land anyway, and as it turns out the seventh planet isn't a barren shithole full of toxic gas like everyone expected. In fact, it looks a lot like Oregon. The next thing you know an entire village appears, and then people who the astronauts used to know, and finally the realization that this whole setup is just a blatant ripoff of that old sci-fi story "Mars is Heaven!" These astronauts are a bit more proactive though- instead of letting themselves get massacred like a bunch of saps they hunt down the alien behind this little sideshow, blast it with some liquid oxygen, and then laser the shit out of it.

And that's how it's done. Stick that in the seventh planet, you extraterrestrial prick.

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