This movie starts with Misty Mundae taking a really long shower. I'm not saying that's a bad thing, but I'm not in the shower that long when I'm thinking about Misty Mundae. Anyway, for some reason her pop is storing this mummy in the den, and it just happens to be sporting the biggest goddamn mummy chubby you've ever seen, so Misty decides to hop on board and go for a ride down the Nile. Okay, I've watched a few pornos in my time so I think I know a thing or two about women, and frankly given all the options available in the refrigerator alone I really can't see any chick going for the mummy. Correct me if I'm wrong, ladies. Misty seems to have a pretty good time though, but then she freaks when the damn thing actually comes to life.* Now, I don't doubt for a second that Misty Mundae could fuck a dead guy back to life, but why is she so upset when he wants a second helping? Once you've screwed a 3000-year-old corpse - on purpose - what could it possibly do to you that would be so bad? Irregardless, she's not having it so she tricks the mummy into unraveling himself and that's the end of him. It seems like that should be the end of the movie too, but Misty isn't done yet; next she dykes it out with the mummy's former girlfriend who, unfortunately for everyone, is fucking rogue. Seriously, she's so nasty that I can't even do an image capture to show you how hideous she is; every time I try, I just get a pop-up that says "No." How does someone that Christ-kickin' ugly even get into porn? The only thing I can figure is that blackmail must be involved. Maybe she has pictures of one of the producers fucking her.

*Ha! "Comes to life." That joke never gets old.