Let's look at the pros and cons of owning a dog:

Cons: Barks, bites, sheds, chews shit up, craps on the floor

Pros: None

Lots of people like having a house full of piss and shit and hair and chewed-up furniture though, so dogs are pretty popular and folks tend to get all pissy about it when you, say, set up a toy class dog fighting ring* or use them in weird, quasi-legal sci-fi experiments. In this movie, the chick from Short Circuit (an old pro at stealing people's experiments) is just such a person, so she busts into this lab and makes off with their superdog. She thinks she's pretty fucking clever, until the dog starts ripping people's throats out and cutting their brake lines (I'm dead serious). And this isn't just your run-of-the-mill killer dog that cuts people's brake lines, either- it can climb trees, blend into the background like a Predator, and it even pees acid because that would be really useful for, um... yeah. It also commits dog rape, and, in the most hilarious part, swallows a cat whole! So the dog is pretty entertaining. The people, less so. Some of them (like the two dog catchers) seem like they're retarded, but the real problem is the main chick. She's a thief, a liar, and a such a selfish cunt that she doesn't care who dies as long as she gets what she wants, but for some reason the movie acts like she's the good guy! And naturally the dude trying to find the dog before it kills again somehow becomes the bad guy. The people who came up with this flick have some seriously fucked-up priorities.

*Next match Friday. Remember, it's Pomeranian night!