So, here's everything I knew about Marie Antoinette before I saw this movie:

• She was the Dolphin of France (this is similar to being the Princess of Whales), but was upgraded to queen when the king died of goutpox.

• One time, when some peasants got all uppity, she put them in their place with one of history's most famous zingers. "Let them eat cock," she said.

• She died trying to fuck a horse.

They change a lot of this for the movie of course; you can't expect an actress of Kirsten Dunst's caliber to actually fuck a horse on camera. (I'll bet if they asked, Asia would've taken a go at it though.) There's no tits or violence, but it makes for a passable enough date movie, if you like this sort of thing (by "this sort of thing", of course, I'm referring primarily to powdered wigs): Kirsten looks super hot - especially during the part where she hops into the sack with this guy who's not her husband - and your girlfriend will like all the clothes and shoes and little dogs running around because let's face it, she's a vapid twat. Yeah, you can tell her I said that if you want. If she has a problem with it, my office hours start at 2:30 AM. Tell her to show up drunk.