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The Maze

(2010)

The maze in this movie is a corn maze, which makes the title a pun. You know, like maze/maize. What your people call corn. What I call fucking annoying, because I hate puns. And Indians. They did come up with a gimmick that makes the whole thing slightly more interesting (we know that whoever's wearing this specific necklace is definitely gonna die, but during the movie everyone keeps passing it around), but other than that it's business as usual: dullards get stranded someplace, a slasher shows up, dullards die. This plot is the comfort food of horror movies and I don't necessarily have a problem with that, but at the very least they could've come up with a halfway scary killer. Instead, it's just some scrawny dink in a hoodie, sporting a tiny little knife that looks like it came out of a vending machine. Seriously, it's like Baby's First Knife. My collage-age niece could take this guy out, and she's usually drunk. And probably pregnant. Also I get that making horror movies that look all grey and washed-out is the big thing right now so they had to make this one look that way too because thinking for yourself is hard, but a good chunk of this flick is so beyond washed-out that for all practical purposes it's in black & white. Seriously, George Wallace's country club had more color. And did they really include a scene where Velma drops her glasses? Really? I guess I should be thankful that they somehow resisted the urge to constantly shake the camera around, but fuck that, I refuse to be thankful for anything. I'm an American, goddammit.

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