You know how the cover of the first Weezer CD unmistakably identifies them as a bunch of hipster douchebags who are trying way too hard? Well the music at the very beginning of this movie made me feel exactly the same way; it's so calculatedly quirky and goofy that you just know you're in for a shitfest of epic proportions. The story goes down in some bizarre time and place that's nothing like our own, but fortunately (by which I mean unfortunately) a rap song fills us in: apparently there's this family named "Hollowhead", and... Actually that's all the song tells us. What it doesn't explain is why or how these people use a giant worm to cure a black eye, or why they eat huge sushi rolls made with sliced-up mutant toad meat (incidentally, the music assures us that this bit is supposed to be especially quirky). Tons more weird shit that has zero context goes down, and believe me, I was so fucking intrigued by the amazing world of the Hollowheads that I could barely keep my eyes open. The truly sad part is that, ultimately, it's all in service of a Flintstones-level plot about the main guy's dickhead boss coming to dinner. Except the Flintstones probably wouldn't have brutally assaulted the guy. The only thing that kept me from completely dozing off was the fact that the daughter is played by the Audrey Griswold from Christmas Vacation. Lord on a flapjack was she fine back in the day, and I have to say, her legs almost make this whole ordeal worthwhile. There really was a time when I would have married that girl, or at the very least kidnapped her. Sorry you peaked at 16, baby.

Audrey III notwithstanding, only a complete asshole would make a movie like this. It's utterly meaningless, it's not interesting, no one would even consider putting it on their resume, and the people who put up the money for it could've used that bread to put pinstripes on their yacht or buy some junk bonds or something. In short, this movie fucks anyone and everyone who comes in contact with it. They should've called it "Meet My Ex-Wife".

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