This flick is full of annoying, gimmicky crap, like random parts going in fast-forward (as if this will somehow make the big "walking over to the computer" scene more exciting), or freezing the picture and having people's info come whooshing in so we know who and what they are ("Brian Higgins: Microbiologist"). They never give us the information we'd actually find interesting though, like "Sarah Monroe: It's 1980s pop star Tiffany!" Ah, Tiffany. I remember beating off to her videos like it was yesterday. Oh, wait, it was yesterday. I love you, YouTube.

Of course this movie is stupid, but it goes way beyond just being bad: this is a movie made by someone who actually disrespects you for wanting to see it. I mean, trying to tell us that a nitrous cartridge is a homing beacon, or that the piranha are immune to nuclear bombs, or that every single piranha is killed because they go into a feeding frenzy (think about it, even if this worked there would be at least one left) is bad enough, but the part where the main guy lays on his back pedal-kicking giant piranha as they jump out of the water at him isn't just a dumb scene in a crappy movie, it's a straight-up "fuck you for even watching this" insult to everyone in the audience. Oh yeah? Well fuck you for making it, Mr. writer-director Eric Forsberg, fuck you sideways while you choke on my balls, you ass-sucking piece of shit. Who the fuck are you to look down on us? We just want to kick back and enjoy a movie about giant piranha leaping into the air and bringing down entire helicopters, and you have to turn it into a fiasco with your hypocrite condescending attitude. I hereby declare you Bad Movie Public Enemy #1, and if we ever meet in person you better believe that I am gonna call you the fuck out.

Unless you promise to introduce me to Tiffany. In which case I'll let you off the hook.