There was a peeking man in our neighborhood, but they finally caught me. I am legally obligated to provide you with this information if you live in zip code 33629.

So, these cats catch wind of a gigantic, Godzilla-sized ape that's raising hell in some backwater, so they decide to catch it. Says one: "I know a hunter here in Hong Kong, an explorer; he just lost his girl and he wants to get away. I guarantee he'd be the right man for us if he'd go," Well he does and they do, but their little expedition turns into a complete fiasco: one dude gets stepped on by an elephant, another one gets his leg ripped off by a tiger, and eventually everyone is dead or ran away except for the main guy. Things work out okay for him though: he gets rescued by this blonde jungle goddess and they fall in love! And this part is fucking hysterical; the best scene is when the chick is running through the jungle doing all this crazy shit in slow motion while a terrible 1970s love song plays. It's like she's in a deranged tampon commercial that for some reason only the marketing department fully understands involves a giant monkey and a woman swinging a doped-up cheetah around by its front legs. Eventually they decide to go to Hong Kong, and since neither one of them has ever seen a movie before, they take the giant monkey along too ("Wherever we go we bring the Monkey with us!"). Once they get there the whole thing bogs down in some soap opera bullshit for a while, but eventually this one joker tries to rape Jungle Girl so Mighty Peking Man goes absolutely bananas (heh) and starts trashing toy cars and buildings. I especially liked this guy's reaction:

Bystander: "What's wrong?"
Panicked Idiot: "There's a gorilla! A giant gorilla!"
Bystander: "My wife is a gorilla too!"

Never let mass destruction and/or your impending doom prevent you from making a "wife" joke. Naturally it all wraps up King Kong style with M.P.M. on top of a skyscraper, holding the blonde in one hand and his dick in the other. Ha! I'm kidding- he's fighting helicopters with the other one. The only difference this time is that these soldiers go out of their way to make sure they shoot the girl too. I'm not really sure what that's all about, but the end where the giant burning monkey falls off one building and through the roof of another is nothing short of awesome, so if that's what it takes to get to that point I suppose they can shoot whoever they want.