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Night Visitor

(1989)

I'm sorry, but that really sounds like a euphemism for some sort of embarrassing medical condition: "Gonna have to wash grandpa's sheets... he had his 'night visitor' again last night." You might as well have called this movie "Nocturnal Emissions". Oh, and naming one of your characters after the doctor in Halloween when the doctor in Halloween is already named after a guy in Psycho is the height of cluelessness. Unless you were also naming your character after the guy from Psycho. Then it's just lazy.

The main kid in this flick is always telling these wild stories ("I'm late because my mom's hairdryer exploded."; "My new neighbor is a call girl."; "I don't look like I chug cock!"), so nobody's quite sure if they can believe him when he says that his history teacher is a serial killer and a member of a Satanic cult. Well, it's less of a "cult" and more of a "duo" - and frankly the other guy doesn't seem all that dedicated - but they get the job done. You'd figure that this is where the suspense would begin, but not really: the teacher crank calls the kid and cuts a lock of his hair off with a pair of scissors, the kid counters by throwing a watermelon through the teacher's windshield... It plays out less like a horror movie and more like a prank war. Eventually the main kid manages to convince this retired cop that it's all true, so the two of them bust into the Satanists' pad, where they put an end to all this nonsense by blowing one of the Satanists away with a shotgun and impaling the other one on a meat hook.

Damn. Now that's how you win a prank war.

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