Just when it seemed like these fuck-damned fake reality Blair Witch type movies had finally gone the way of my niece's butthole virginity (ah, college), that cunt Paranormal Activity comes along, makes a dumpload of money, and starts the whole thing all over again. I really want to know who is so not over this shit that they actually paid to see that movie in a theater. Honestly, people, there are fake reality ghost programs all over TV for free. I suggest Ghost Hunters. Scratch that, no I don't.

At any rate, here's the inevitable ripoff, and, as you can imagine, it's a piece of crap. Besides being not scary and sucking, it's also totally confused: at the beginning the main guy makes this 911 call screaming that the ghost killed his mom and his sister, but the mom isn't even there when the killings go down and at the very end it says she committed suicide later. You need to get your fake facts straight, you fake piece of fake shit. Actually, repeatedly calling this movie fake is total overkill since only the zippiest of pinheads would think it was a true story. The real problem is that it's so lazy and terrible. Hell, they don't even bother showing us the thrilling climax: they just skip right over it, like everyone involved just decided to get to the end as soon as possible. Which, now that I think about it, is what I should've done too. Like two minutes in.

The part where the main guy finds his dead father's ashes spilled all over the floor did make me wonder though: when this happens, what percentage of the ashes do you have to get back into the urn before it's not disrespectful to just DustBuster the rest of them up? Seriously, I think it's a pretty good question.