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The Party Never Stops

(2007)

This is one of those ridiculous, reactionary movies that tries to make teenage drinking look bad. Teenagers, let me give you a piece of advice: if you don't drink you are a fucking nerd. Look at me- I drank when I was a teenager and now I have my own website. Livin' the dream, nigga. And it's no wonder the chickie in this flick drinks- it's probably the only way she can cope with her mentally unstable, smothering mother who calls like 80 times a day and gets suspicious when her daughter takes a nap. (I also like how the mom is all shocked when she learns that college students get drunk: "She calls it partying. I don't know what kind of party that is." What an incomprehensibly stupid bitch.) Of course since this is a movie something completely unrealistic happens; in this case, the main chick's BFF kicks it via blood alcohol poisoning. Ha ha! And that's when the main chick proves she's just as dumb as her mom: "How come it wasn't me who died?" Because you're not the one who drank two bottles of bourbon in thirty minutes, idiot. It's all irrelevant anyway- trust me, people in real life almost always pass out long before they get blood alcohol poisoning, especially chicks. Dying of it is just TV movie-of-the-week bullshit. Take my word for it, kids: as long as you drink, the party never stops.



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