Ugh, now here's some horror I can relate to. Fucking kidney stones. These kids actually have a different problem though: apparently they're trapped in a 1940s movie, because they have to spend the weekend in a haunted house in order to inherit some money. Or maybe they just inherit the house, I forget. That would be quite a burn, wouldn't it? Who's gonna buy a haunted house in this market? At any rate, they invite some friends over to up the body count, and then suddenly we're at the end of the story! What the fuck? Oh, wait, now the main chick, who was apparently the only survivor, is filling the cops in on what happened, via flashback. Okay, that was really disorienting and unnecessary. Not to mention annoying, because the main detective on the case is one of those movie cops who's always saying all this idiotic non-sequitur shit that I guess is supposed to be clever but just makes him sound like he has ADD, or is mildly retarded. Seriously, detective, just work me over, okay? It'll be a lot less painful.

Getting back to the house, here's the final tally: one bimbo shredded in the tub; a second bimbo shredded by a witch who pops out of a mirror; one dude's face pulled apart; one buff doofus (a boofus?) sucked down the toilet; one dude spirited off (literally) by ghostly hands; one chick whacked by some cartoon smoke. It's all pretty boring though, not to mention dumb, with entirely too much walking around, arguing, and scenes where people refuse to call the cops when there's no reason not to call the cops and they really ought to be calling the cops. I did like the main chick though- she has this weird "deer in the headlights" look that seriously turned me on. I really wanted to hit her with my car and then fuck her.

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