The dictionary defines a "douchebag" as someone who uses a dictionary definition to introduce the thing they're about to talk about, so guess what Robin Williams does at the very beginning of this movie? And it just gets worse from there: this flick doesn't just suck, it swallows load after load from a bottomless bag of cock. It has so many sappy parts that you'll die of dehydration long before you stop puking, the most obnoxious being when Robin "Patch Adams" Williams wears a red rubber nose and dances around with bedpans on his feet to "cheer up" some chemotherapy kids. Seriously, what the fuck are you doing? I've got cancer, you stupid fucking clown! In real life, there's not a single human being on Earth who wouldn't pay to kick this guy's ass. Hell, I'll bet even people who were paralyzed or in a fucking coma would find a way to get out of bed just for the chance to take a swing at him.

Huh. Maybe's he's onto something after all.

At any rate, Bitch Adams ends up starting his own hospital, and before long he gets busted for practicing medicine without a license and stealing. The movie acts like this is super unfair, but it ignores some important facts:

1. He was practicing medicine without a license
2. He was stealing

Of course he gets out of it, everyone cheers, and I dry-heaved so violently and for so long that I cracked a goddamned rib. It hurt like fuck, but when I begged "Patch" to help me out he just asked me my favorite color and then did a little soft-shoe to a Tin Machine song.

Fuck you, Robin Williams.