Okay, here's what I want you to do. If you haven't already, watch the video above. When it's over, say out loud to yourself "It takes a lot of penis." Now watch it again. Ha ha! That's great. Yeah, yeah, I know, I'm twelve years old. Fucking sue me.

You know what else I like about this commercial? The guy who's running the soda shop. You don't really notice him the first couple of times through, but once you do watch his reactions: when the kids first start singing he looks all shocked (judging by his moustache he just arrived from the 1890s, and this type of thing just didn't go on back then), then he's confused, then he starts to get into it, and by the end he's dancing along. It's a virtuoso performance, and I hope this review will finally help him get the recognition he deserves. The real reason I'm reviewing this though is because I scientifically determined what my ideal girl would look like the other day by drinking a bunch of rum, and I'll be damned if the white chick in this ad isn't it. Or her. Whatever. Too bad this commercial came out in 1984. She doesn't look drunk so I'll assume she's twenty years old here, which puts her in her late forties or early fifties now, depending on when you read this. Technically she could still be hot, but the odds are definitely stacked against it. So what's my point? Simple- if you or anyone you know looks like her and isn't busy Friday, contact me immediately. Don't wait until 2036 when it will be too late.