Do you ever read the Phantom comic strip in the newspaper? Of course you don't. Nobody does. So let me give you a quick rundown: the Phantom (AKA "The Ghost Who Sucks") is a superhero who lives in the jungle and spends most of his time saving rubber plantations, and good for him because the last thing we need is a rubber shortage. I might knock some chick up. Oh, and his superpower is owning a gun. He's one of those old-timey superheroes who's like decades past his expiration date, but for some reason Hollywood has this raging hard-on for making movies about out-of-date comics that are totally irrelevant now (see also: The Spirit, The Shadow, Dick Tracy, Watchmen...), so here we are. To be fair (because I am always fair) the story isn't bad (it's basically a combination of Indiana Jones 2 & 4, sans the UFO); the only real problem with it is the Phantom. Even though this movie is relatively serious he keeps drifting into 1960s Batman territory, and he's always got this goofy smirk on his face that makes you want to slap the shit out of him. He's unbelievably irritating. Some other things that pissed me off:

-Did you ever see that movie where the broad adjusts the focus on her binoculars and these spikes pop out and stab her in the eyes? They totally rip that bit off, except this time it's a microscope.

-The part where the Phantom shoots a laser out of his ring to save the day... could someone please explain to me where that came from? Oh, right, straight out of the writer's ass.

-There was way too much tension between the good chick and the bad chick for them to not end up dyking out.

All that said, I've seen way worse superhero movies than this. If you want to take that as a recommendation, that's your business.