I wonder who decides when to spell plurals with a Z? "Rodents" is a perfectly fine name for this movie, so obviously someone decided that the Z would somehow make it more marketable. Using that logic, wouldn't changing more letters to Z be even better? I suppose there are a few places where even one extra Z would be like thematically inappropriate ("Three Eveningz with Johann Sebastian Bach") but other than that, fuck it, let's go crazy. Maybe we should throw more random numbers into words too, like they did with Thir13en Ghosts. Everybody knows proper spelling is for queers anyway.

So, this flick starts with the world's most incompetent scientist and his klutzy assistant, who bicker like an old married couple (picture the Lockhorns, but with less smoldering hate). Topics they disagree about include: mixing the formula they're working on wrong and then refusing to admit it, and accidentally letting all their experimental rats escape into the basement. These clowns are so fucking sloppy that they even have a cat wandering around loose in the lab and climbing up on the table where all their equipment is. I'm surprised there aren't a bunch of stray dogs and goats roaming in and out through a broken screen door, eating whatever falls onto the floor. Jesus. Meanwhile, some college students who are so old that when they graduate they're gonna have to move straight from the dorms into a retirement home are driving around drinking booze out of a plastic jug. Maybe it's just me, but I'm not feeling much empathy for any of these characters. And this despite the fact that I'm writing this review on my laptop while driving around and drinking Tucker Death Mix out of a Superfriends thermos. Pray my cell phone doesn't ring, or I'll be tonight's top news story.

So anyway, all these asslimps eventually end up at the lab, where they get attacked by a mixture of real rats, plastic rats, cartoon rats, and a guy in a big rat costume, all of which look hilariously fake. The most hysterically retarded part is probably when they show all the rats that haven't already escaped bursting out of their cages - it looks like someone's firing them out of a rat gun - although a close runner-up would be the bit where a guy puts on a gas mask without realizing there's a rat inside it. Because who would notice something like that? Oh, and did you know that fire alarms make rats' brains explode? Or that the electrical power in medium-sized buildings is often supplied by three lantern batteries, duct-taped together? Movies are always full of educational tidbits like that. In the end everyone dies a horrible death, except for the guy whose fault it all is and his girlfriend, who probably gives him a blowjob later. That seems fair.

Bonus stupidity: the DVD case says that this version of Rodentz (respect, nigga) is "formatted from its original version to fit your screen" AND "presented in the original format". Seriously, how can it be both? Maybe it's like that cat in the box that isn't dead or alive until you look at it. Or a movie that isn't a hopeless piece of shit until you actually watch it.