This sounds tantalizingly ominous but don't get your hopes up. The story begins on Xmas Day, with Santa wrapping up his deliveries and setting the alarm clock for the crack of autumn, because apparently Santa and his elves sleep through the rest of the year. Seriously? I'd think an operation like his would have to be up and running 24/7, 365. He must be farming the piecework out to the Chinese. At any rate, December 1st rolls around and a local anthropomorphic mail bear (no, I spelled that right) notices that Santa hasn't been collecting any of his letters. He decides to investigate and, wouldn't you know it, there was some trouble with a space heater and Santa and the elves are all dead of carbon monoxide poisoning. Ha ha! Of course I'm bullshitting you, but that would've been a pretty unexpected twist, am I right? Actually the alarm didn't go off and they all overslept, which means that there's no time to make toys for all the children of the world. Tough break, non-white kids. Looks like these fools need a Christmas miracle, and they get one in the form of "Perk-Up Powder", which, once it kicks in, gets the elves so fucking high that they imagine little wooden homunculi are helping them make the toys in record time, when they obviously did it all themselves in an hours-long burst of drug-fueled mania. Result: Christmas is saved. Moral: Drugs are awesome.

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