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Everyone Matters

(1998)

Oh joy, a video starring the old fogey from Babe and supermodel Roshumba (me neither) telling me not to kick my dog. Nature is always stinging us and biting us and laying eggs in our intestines, and yet these jokers want me to feel bad because sometimes animals are sad? Fuck. Off. There isn't a single animal on Earth that wouldn't eat you and everyone you love, right now, if it was big enough. When are you tree-hugging twits gonna get that through your thick skulls? "Pay attention to the animals you see every day, like the dogs and cats in your family," says the narrator guy. I don't have any dogs and cats in my family, you fucking pinhead, I'm a person. Animals aren't people. And I'm sorry, "Roshumba", if that is your real name, but if "uninvited animals" get into my house I am going to hurt them, probably with a shoe. I'm sure the supermodel mansion you live in is full of lovable singing cockroaches and goats that ate their way through the wall, but I prefer to be slightly more sanitary. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go out for some pork chops made from a pig that was raised exclusively on veal. Have fun rescuing leeches from the bait shop, or whatever it is you whackheads do.



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