Basing a movie on a video game is like basing a novel on one those little comics that comes with a piece of bubblegum. That hasn't stopped people from doing it over and over again, but I think they finally hit rock bottom this time because Silent Hill is the biggest shit sandwich I've eaten in weeks. I mean seriously, what the fuck? Even after the huge, boring flashback at the end that tries to explain everything it's still completely incomprehensible. We've got folks going into the past and freaky burned-up monsters and goofy-ass bugs with people faces and a guy with a sword that's so big it should be a punch line except this flick isn't smart enough to realize that and an evil cult and of course in the end it turns out the main chick was dead the whole time like we haven't seen that at least fifty times this week. And what do all these crazy-ass things have to do with each other? Nothing! Christ, even the Super Mario Brothers movie had some sort of story.

At least there's plenty of blood and gore, but it's mostly cartoon effects so you might as well be playing the video game which if you actually paid to see this you probably already own and could've done for free. And would it have hurt so much for the main chick and/or the hot-ass chick cop who's helping her to have gotten naked? It's like I used to tell my ex when she was ranting & raving about something totally ridiculous, like feelings or whatever: if you're not gonna make any sense, at least do it with your tits hanging out.