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A Sister's Secret

(2009)

A good chunk of this movie is endless, boring horseshit about saving some mill (that, frankly, looks like an abandoned building), and it has almost nothing to with the main plot whatsoever. Thanks for wasting your time and mine, A Sister's Secret. The real story is that the main chick dumped some drip and he killed himself over it, so now his sister wants revenge. (Apparently this breakup/suicide double feature went down in the 1980s, because there's still a picture of the main chick in the drip's old desk and it's right next to a Rubik's Cube. Because that's all that happened in the 1980s: the Rubik's Cube.) The sister mildly inconveniences the main chick for a while (I've seen middle schoolers conduct more effective campaigns of terror against each other, but whatever), until, finally, she decides to just cap the bitch. Then, naturally, she fails. But not in some awesome, spectacular way, like shooting wildly and hitting the wrong person in the face, then falling out a twenty-story window. While naked. She just gets stabbed with a pen or something and then sits down on the floor and cries. Talk about fucking weak. And whose balls did the post-op playing Claire the Receptionist choke on to land this gig? My dog is a better actor when I ask him who pissed on the carpet. I wouldn't buy it if she told me the sky was blue, the grass was green, and she was born without a penis.



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