This hottie can't stand her family, and it's understandable because they're a bunch of obnoxious goombah fucks. If they were my family, I would move as far away from them as possible. And then call in an air strike. So, one day a delivery guy drops off this mysterious snow globe (Why does it play the theme from Newhart? Oh well, whatever.), and it turns out the little people in it are alive and she can teleport inside and hang out with them. It's like the Bottle City of Kandor, except instead of having superpowers everyone is a naïve, whitebread, borderline retard who just loves Christmas. Man, I would do anything to get transported to this place- I could crush all resistance and take over in like an afternoon, and then all their tight-sweater-wearing women would be mine. Anyway, I was pretty sure I knew where this one was going (she learns a valuable lesson, Christmas is saved, everyone hugs, I puke on the floor, the dog licks it a bunch of it up before I can find a mop, I beat the shit out of him), but right in the middle there's this huge twist that I totally didn't see coming. You know, I can't remember the last time that happened; hell, I figured out Lost in like the first five minutes of episode one.* The problem with this movie though is that it totally pulls a Matrix and doesn't like explore the ramifications of its premise. For example, what would happen to the Christmas people if you put the snow globe in the microwave? I think it's pretty safe to say that this is the type of thing people watching this movie would want to know.

*The key is when that cat gets sucked into the jet engine- I'd say more, but J. J. Abrams told me that if I gave it away he would drive cross-country straight to my place - wearing an adult diaper so he doesn't even have to stop to use the bathroom - and personally kick my ass.