I always wanted to see a movie where Christmas magic backfires, and I guess that's what's happening here. See, there's this magical snow globe that affects the real world, I guess so you can make it snow for real just in time for the holidays,* but for some reason it also causes random, non-existent natural disasters to occur, like fire quakes and exploding ice storms. These, of course, lead to several injures and precarious disaster movie-style predicaments, including someone trapped in a helicopter that's about to slide over a cliff, two drips trapped in a bus that's been electrified by downed power lines, and me trapped watching this idiot parade of nonsense. The default main guy finally decides that the snow globe has to go (well played, Holmes), so, like a common Hobbit, he trudges up the side of the local volcano and drops it in. Why a volcano? Because that's how it's done in the board game his kid plays. Yeah, I don't see the connection either. Frankly this entire flick exists in some surreal tard world that only the person who came up with it understands, and to try to make sense of it (or why anyone would actually cough up the bread to make it) can only lead to madness, or at the very least a high degree of irritation. Just more proof that there will never be a decent movie that ends in "-mageddon".

Read Mr. Satanism's book, The 100 Best Movies Ever Made ...Mostly Suck, now available here and on Amazon.