Was John Lennon the biggest piece of shit to ever walk the planet? Of course not. But this review is going to go on the assumption that he was.

Seriously, it's the twenty-first fucking century- it's way past time to shut the hell up about the goddamned hack Beatles. They were a fucking boy band, then they decided to become filthy hippies, and through it all they wrote approximately eight thousand songs that were all played in the same time and only used three or four chords. They fucking suck. Of course that hasn't stopped millions of tone-deaf cretins from constantly chugging their cocks, including people who weren't even alive when their shitty music first came out. Seriously kids, stop getting advice about what bands to like from your fucking grandparents and learn to think for yourselves once in a while.

Of course this flick has it's head completely shoved up John Lennon's ass, and it's horrible beyond belief, but I figured the one good thing about it would be that we probably wouldn't have to hear any actual Beatles songs because they're way too expensive for a podunk production like this. And I was right, but their solution to this problem is even worse: they had a bunch of people who were even less talented than the Beatles contribute songs, and if you can get through any two of them without driving to the store, asking if they have hat pins, finding out they don't, driving to another store that does carry them, buying one, and using it to puncture both your eardrums, you're a tougher man than me. On the plus side though, some of them are totally offensive and hilarious. Take this one for example:

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! There's also some crazy conspiracy theory shit about Ronald Reagan being in on his murder ("I don't see who else would want John Lennon dead," says one guy. How about every real musician on the planet? Or, come to think of it, that cat who shot him?), tons of flakey and/or egotistical John Lennon quotes, and, naturally, a whole bushel of idiots with lousy taste in music. The main goal of this flick though is actually a nightmarish plan to establish a John Lennon holiday. Normally I'm all for getting a free day off work (or I would be if I had a job), but this is a movement that must be stopped IMMEDIATELY. I was all riled up and ready to take it to the streets until they mentioned that their little scheme is hinging mainly on an online petition. Yeah, we all know how seriously people take those. Ah, hippies- always a decade late and a brain cell short.

For more information on the Beatles and their real agenda, check out the second issue of my comic book, available here.