Another day, another big, fake, cartoon alligator. This movie has one very hot redhead who never gets naked and gore so fake it pissed me off, but the very worst part is the end where the alligator invades a luau (I'm surprised it wasn't an alligator festival). See, all the main cats are scientists who are scoping out the local volcano, so they could've just said "The volcano's erupting!" and everyone would've listened to them and escaped. Instead, they tell everyone that a giant prehistoric alligator is coming and of course no one believes them and a bunch of people get eaten. It's just so goddamned moronic. For fuck's sake, how stupid does a person have to be before they won't let them write for the Sci-Fi Channel? You know what? I am sick of these piss-gargling, goat-fucking, AIDS-loving, ass-dipping, scat-handling, pit-sniffing, sack-licking, shit-scarfing, monkey-raping, cum-lapping, fetus-molesting, anus-draining, pube-collecting, zit-sucking, tampon-recycling, penis-abusing, enema-chugging, cornholed, tea-bagged, hopeless, brainless, pointless, worthless, fuckless, cock-smoking Sci-Fi Channel movies. For real, it would've taken five fucking minutes to make this movie ten times better than it is, and five more minutes to make it ten times better than that; it's like the opposite of the law of diminishing returns, but not one cockhole involved in this flick could be bothered and now I have to waste another two hours of my life cleaning up after their perfect storm of dripping shit. I not only hate this movie, I hate everyone involved with it, individually, as human beings. Fuck them.

Except for the redhead. She is wonderful, and I love her. But we better see your tits next time, baby, because this is the last pass you'll get from me.