All right, I have had it with this idiot crap. The word "thirteen" does NOT have numbers in the middle of it. I know that sometimes people like to replace a letter with a number that looks similar because it's "street" or "extreme" or some such bullshit, but the letter T doesn't even look like the number 1. You can't just start replacing any letter with any number you feel like, or before long "Jaws 6" will be spelled "8982 K" and then nobody will know what the hell is going on. And you wonder why people don't go to the movies anymore. Morons.

So anyway, the original 13 Ghosts was mostly corny bordering on zany, so it sucked. This one, on the other hand, is unnecessarily brutal and violent, so it's awesome. For example, in the original the family was broke because the dad was a nitwit (zany), but in this version they're broke because their house burned down and in the process the mom died an agonizing death (awesome). And the haunted house in this version is a million times better too- it's this crazy-ass clockwork place with unbreakable glass walls that changes every few minutes so you never know where you're going or how to get back to a particular place. Here's who gets trapped inside:

• The main guy. It's that annoying dude from Wings. I suppose I need to be way more specific, so never mind.

• His teenage daughter. Fairly hot, but we never see her naked.

• His obnoxious son. Everyone will want this kid to die, but you know he won't.

• Their slave. (Obviously they can't afford a housekeeper, so I assume that's who this broad is.)

• A lawyer. You know he'll die, because movie people hate lawyers. They sure are quick to call them when you set up a bootleg DVD factory in your garage though.

• A psychic guy. He's sort of the comedy relief. Later, he gets his spine broken. I wish that would happen to the comedy relief in more movies.

• A chick who belongs to the ghost version of PETA. She looks pretty kickin' in leather pants. I'd hit it.

The ghosts are cool, the gore is decent (the best is probably when the lawyer gets cut in half, lengthwise), and there's even some tits. They do use the goofy-ass "ghost glasses" in this version, but they even make that work- only people with glasses can see the ghosts, but there aren't enough glasses to go around so at any given point there's somebody who doesn't know what the fuck is going on. This just adds to the general chaos, which is great because I'm a huge advocate of anything that does that. This flick isn't perfect, but it's at least 80 times better than the original and definitely rocks pretty hard.

Whoever put those numbers in the name is still a retard though.