This DVD came with a toy dragon I bought, and I have to ask: does every toy line really need all this complicated backstory? When I was a kid I made up my own stories, and all my toys interacted with each other regardless of scale or logic, which was too bad for some of them. When a He-Man-size figure rapes a 3¾-inch Princess Leia figure, that's gotta hurt.

So, it seems the "Odaku" are huge dicks who raise evil dragons (that somehow hatch from their eggs already wearing armor) and use them to run roughshod over everybody. Some other blowhards stand up to them though, so a dragon swoops down and makes off with one of the blowhards' leaders, which instigates a raid on the Ramparts of something-or-other, where the evil queen Skylla is protected by the Lodestone Crystal. Fortunately, her Lieutenant, Gorhehar, sells her out to Dev and the Dragons of Light, so... so...

Are you fucking kidding me? I can't believe someone got paid good, cash money to come up with a Silmarillion-level epic for a bunch of goddamned Lego knockoffs to act out! Seriously, I would love to know how many fucking man-hours actually went into writing this thing. What qualifies a person for a job like that anyway? "Yeah, I can make up a bunch of names that sound like they were plucked out of a Dungeons & Dragons manual, and I have no shame." "You're hired." Jesus H. God, the world is completely retarded. Fuck this bullshit.

On the plus side, now that I've reviewed this moronic DVD it's officially a business expense, which means I can write a toy dragon off on my taxes. Sweet.

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