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Titanic II

(2010)

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! You bet it sinks. The story starts well before that though, with this cat taking advantage of global warming to get in some bitchin' surfing. It's like I always say, there are people who complain about a problem, and there are people who do something about it. Of course this movie serves up an endless parade of cartoons - cartoon boats, cartoon helicopters, cartoon planes, cartoon submarines, cartoon tidal waves, cartoon icebergs, cartoon continental glaciers - but the cartoons and the actors generally aren't on the screen at the same time so taken as a whole it never looks as ridiculous and shitty as, say, Mega Piranha or The Phantom Menace. That's not to say this movie is any good- it's mainly just people jogging down hallways and talking into microphone headsets, and there's tons of lazy mistakes. For example, in one part two chicks and a guy are climbing up an elevator shaft. The guy is bringing up the rear (heh), but when they get to the top he's the first one out. Then in the very next scene a skinny dead chick's torso somehow props open this heavy metal door that they couldn't keep propped open with a fire axe two seconds earlier. I don't wanna say too much here, but trust me when I tell you that fire axe trumps ribcage every single time. When I lend someone money, I expect them to pay it back.

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