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Torso

(1973)

The eurosluts in this movie seem to have a pretty good time, what with all the screwing in shitty little cars and attending hippie dope orgies. They are tired of getting murdered though, so the ones who haven't been yet decide to get out of town and spend the weekend at this isolated villa, where they lounge around naked, dyke out, and do all the other shit chicks do when there's no guys around. You pretend it's not true, ladies, but we know that it is. Of course the killer eventually shows up and wipes out the vast majority of them, but here's the horseshit- we don't see any of this happen! Instead, the chick who was zonked out on pain meds comes downstairs in the morning and finds everybody already dead! That is so beyond fucking weak. This is where things pick up though, because the rest of this flick is an exercise in hilarity- the killer comes back to cut the bodies up, while the chick who's still alive tries to hide from him, somehow managing to loudly trip over every piece of furniture in the place in the process. Meanwhile, who should stop by but everyone on Earth and Job too, and whenever one of them rings the doorbell it holds the killer up that much more, giving the main chick time to fall over a few more chairs. It's a fucking laugh riot. The flashback that reveals why the killer hates women so much is hysterical too, not to mention his spazmo breakdown after he explains it ("Bitches! Bitches!"). As a horror movie this is completely hopeless (especially since the coolest/hottest chick gets murdered about twenty minutes in, leaving us with nobody to root for), but as a comedy it's the tits. Also, most of the actresses show us their tits, so there's another plus.



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