The best thing about 1970s disaster flicks is watching all the antiquated hacks they always dug up for these things get it totally handed to them. Unfortunately, far too many of the hacks in this movie survive. Oh, Mr. Hart to Hart burns alive after tapping a passable piece of ass, and Julio from Sanford and Son gets squashed by some statuary, but that's hardly enough to sate my has-been bloodlust. In fact, my favorite death is actually this random nobody who stumbles out of an elevator on fire, mainly because when he falls down his head pops off! Ha ha! Nice quality control, Towering Inferno. For those of you who have never seen this, it's about these idiots who get stranded in a high-rise when a fire somehow breaks out in the room where they store all their paint, acetone, aerosol cans, oily rags, and kerosene-soaked newspapers. Unfortunately, most of the movie is just people standing around; it really is amazing how much nothing actually happens in this flick. The only part I really liked was at the very end, where that guy who used to dance on the ceiling in old musicals finds out that his lady friend plunged to her death, but ends up with her pet cat. Not exactly the pussy you were hoping for, was it you old fart?

Incidentally, did you ever notice that when the main guy visits his girl towards the beginning of this movie she has one of those Hellraiser puzzle boxes on her desk:

What the fuck is up with that?