If you somehow knew that a passing train was going to get into a spectacular, unprecedented wreck, would you hang around and watch? Damn tootin' you would. That's why I predict that, when the numbers come in, this will be the most-watched episode of TV this season. Unless Ellie Kemper and Pam tongue kiss during next week's The Office. For those of you reading this in the distant future, Two and a Half Men was a sitcom about two guys and a fat kid who were endlessly cruel and hateful towards one other. It was super popular, but after a few seasons the actor who played the main guy pissed everybody off by going insane, so they fired him. At this juncture most people would just lower the price point on the DVD box sets and call it a day, but apparently the main guy wasn't the only one involved with this show who was insane because they decided to soldier on in the hopes that they could pull off another Valerie/The Hogans. The problem is that their whole setup really doesn't make any sense without the main guy, so the end result is more like Spencer/Under One Roof, and there's a reason why you have no idea what I'm talking about right now. This first episode of the post-main guy era is so floundering and desperate that they actually open with the two lowest forms of "humor" possible: fart jokes and Family Guy style references. (Although I will admit that I did like the reference suggesting that Jesse from Full House is an ass-fucking queer.) Then, their ace in the hole: they trot out Kelso from That '70s Program, as if his presence and constant, unfunny nudity will somehow make us forget that this show isn't even about itself anymore. Come to think of it, didn't the main guy from That '70s Program quit at one point, making that show no longer about itself? How do you always manage to get yourself into these predicaments, Kelso? At any rate, I haven't laughed less while watching a sitcom since they cancelled Small Wonder, and my bet is that this stupid fucking show will be permanently off the air by Christmas. Winning.

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