You can only watch so many Syphilis Channel movies before you're constantly seeing cartoon monsters out of the corner of your eye. This isn't scary or anything because naturally they look completely fake, but it is annoying so I decided to take a break from TV this week and review something different. And that's how I ended up at Universal's Islands of Overpriced Adventure with my two associates: a hot chick who wouldn't throw it out (rest assured, I'll deal with her later), and a guy who was hung over the entire time which needless to say was hilarious. Especially after we rode the roller coaster. But we're not here to talk about someone throwing up all over "Toon Lagoon" or me furiously masturbating in my hotel room while vowing revenge. We're here to talk about the Sindbad stunt show, and how much it sucks.

First off, I guess I should give them props for spelling "Sindbad" right, even though nobody who speaks English actually spells it that way so I don't know who they're trying to impress except maybe the Muslims. You Homeland Security types might want to look into that. As for the show itself, well, the stunts are okay, and you might actually be impressed if you've never seen an action movie or watched someone fall off the roof. The little adventure they play out is shitty beyond belief though. Basically, Sindbad and his annoying sidekick have to rescue a princess from this evil witch (both of these chicks were fucking hideous, by the way), which sounds passable enough but the whole thing is full of awful, unfunny jokes and references to celebrities that I'm guessing they update with find/replace every, oh, ten years or so. (Actually, there was a Mr. T gag, so it's probably closer to every thirty years.) And lets not forget that old standby, farting. Seriously, the asshole who wrote this should be drowned in a river of his own piss. Now, I know what you're thinking: "It's all about the stunts, Mr. Satanism, not the story." Fuck that. Why can't both be good? For real, right across from this I.Q.-ravaging disaster there's another show called Poseidon's Fury where you walk through a building while special effects happen. There was only one actor and he had to carry the whole thing, but he did an awesome job and it was actually pretty cool. Take my advice: do that one twice and fuck the Eighth Voyage of Sindbad. It's a wretched piece of camel dung.