This movie is the definition of trying too hard, like an ugly girl who marches right up to you and immediately shows you her tits. The difference is that the tits ploy usually works on me, whereas Van Wilder I'm just not buying. To understand why, let's compare it to a similar flick, Back to School. The main guy in Back to School is a lot like Van Wilder: he's too old to be in college, he doesn't take it seriously, and he thinks he has all the bases covered. There's an angle though. See, he's loaded and just buys his way into or out of everything, so not only is there one source for all the jokes (this is called "thematic unity"), but once the hilarity settles down he learns a valuable lesson, probably. The important thing is that we like him, because he's rich and buys everyone beer. But in this movie Van Wilder's exploits are completely random, and we're supposed to like him just because he whips his balls out all the time. I'm not interested your fucking nuts, Van Wilder. Unless someone's kicking you in them, in which case I want a front row seat.

This movie isn't entirely about balls, of course (I'd say they make up 40% of the story, tops). There is one legitimately brilliant line ("You have any scotch?"), and at various points one or more people accidentally suck on a penis pump, get tricked into eating dog spooge, projective vomit on a chick, bleed from the ass, or accidentally set themselves on fire, panic, and jump through a second story window. Sure, all these things are hilarious when they happen to your friends in real life, but this is a movie and previous tasteless college movies have set the low-brow bar pretty high. They needed to come up with some especially clever twists on all this shit, and, sad to say, they don't. In short, it's just the same old same old same old. Uh, same old. Was that too many same olds? It's three, right?