
Video Picks for Perverts
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(1957)
This mad doctor's got a keen little setup out voodoo way, where he's having a time mad-sciencing up some chick into a super strong, bullet-proof monster that has scales, a hideous skull face, and sports an awful blonde wig. Trust me honey, the wig isn't helping. I mean, you've got a skull face. Truth be told the doc's really been pushing his luck with the locals lately, but things don't come to a (shrunken) head until three more white people show up: a main guy (in name only), a doofus, and an evil chick who's just hot enough to get away with her treacherous, bitch attitude. The doofus manages to kill the monster girl in under two seconds, then, when the natives express some irritation at this, the hot chick smoothes things over by shooting the doofus. As you can see, they've been on the scene all of five minutes and it's a clusterfuck already. That's the trouble with white people- if there's just one hanging around they tend to behave, but once you get a few of them together in the same place there's always some sort of problem. Anyway, the hot chick is on a mission to steal the natives' gold, so she invites herself to their village, where she asks the mad doctor to help her out. He agrees immediately, which, to her credit, makes her a little suspicious: Hot Chick: "What's in it for you, doc? The usual?" Kinky. As it turns out though, he's not interested in boffing her at all (fag). Instead, he tricks her into becoming his replacement monster, a move that totally backfires when she realizes she's been had and chokes him out. She changes back to her regular self, but then she just has to go for the last of the gold and manages to fall into a sacrificial pit. This is a pretty standard twist for a 1950s movie, because "evil must be punished" and all that, but here's the kicker: at the very end we see the monster crawl back out of the pit, with the gold! Assuming she can change back and forth any time she wants to (and this seems to be the case, based on the given information), she got exactly what she came for, plus some superpowers besides! You just can't win any harder than that. In your fucking face, oppressive 1950s values.
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YOU don't have to PUT UP with the HIP.