She's no Winnie Goodwin, but Sabrina the Teenage Witch can take a ride on my broomstick any time. See, the broomstick is my penis. It's a metaphor. In this flick, Sabrina and her cousin are lured to some island where the locals plan on killing them so they can steal all their blood. Why? It's like this: Sabrina's family has a super rare blood type that the local mad doctor mixes into a magical cocktail, and anyone who gets a regular dose of it is immune to aging, bullets, and flying through the windshield after hitting a tree with their car. Okay, allow me to stop here for a moment so I can point out the plot hole that's big enough to drive your wife though: if this special blood type they need is so rare, why in cock's name do they kill everyone who has it by draining them dry all at once? Wouldn't it make infinitely more sense to lock them up somewhere and extract a little at a time, so as to have a decades-long long supply? Or how's this: juice up someone who has the special blood so that they live forever, and then have them donate some whenever you need it. Seriously, the way these clowns are playing it now makes zero fucking sense. And even if you don't take that into account (and why should we, since the moviemakers didn't), why all the dilly-dallying around when it comes to taking out Sabrina? They kill the cousin almost immediately, but everyone is determined to put on this endless, pointless horse and pony show for Sabrina when they should just throw a bag over her head, bean her with a hammer, and be done with it. Hell, even the title of this movie doesn't have a clue. "Whispers and Lies" sounds like it could be about nearly anything except a mad doctor stealing people's blood. Frankly, it has the ring of some awful romance novel you'd beat your wife for reading. If you want to trick people into watching this (and trust me, you'll have to), you really need to come up with something less vague then that. Something punchy, like "Vampire Island". "Sabrina the Teenage Witch in... Vampire Island." That has a nice ring to it. Or how about: "Sabrina the Teenage Witch as you've never seen her before in... Lesbian Vampire Island." Yeah, that's more like it. Also starring Lizzie McGuire.