Xtro 1 was a shitstorm of tinfoil hat-wearing insanity that made less sense than the IRS's endless, nitpicky issues with my 2009 tax return (I still say that a sentient robot should count as a dependant). Seeing it isn't a complete waste of time (tits), but in case you had better things to do all you really need to know is that an Xtro landed on Earth, committed a few felonies (rape, kidnapping), and then went back to wherever it came from. Well, the motherfucking Xtro is back, only this time it's our fault. See, we've been stargating people over to its hood, so it decides to hitch a ride back inside this chick, explode out of her, and go on a killing spree. Eventually the guy from Airwolf and his idiot friends set the Xtro on fire and send it plummeting down a ventilation shaft (I think; this scene is so badly done that I'm not exactly sure what happened), but your standard Xtro won't even miss a day of work over that shit so the extraterrestrial bastard does plenty more damage before it's all said and done. This flick's nowhere near as sleazy and gory as Part 1, so the only real plusses are a clunky but passable monster, the endless hilarity of watching dumb people do unbelievably stupid things ("Get your head out of there!"), and an inconsequential lab tech who looks a little bit like Ellie Kemper, which made me want to fuck her. It's a pretty lame movie.

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